Self-Love & Yoga

There are healing opportunities hidden in everyday experiences. In a piece of music, in the chatter of a coffee shop, in the smile of a child, in the sound of the wind in the trees, in the taste of the air.

Why then, will one person have a miserable day, and another will have a wonderful one? Both had the same physical experiences; they went to the same job, had the same coffee, spoke with the same coworkers. One person will say to their partner “I had to listen to my boss complain all day.” The other person will say “My boss trusted me with his feelings today. We had some great conversations.”

What makes the internal experiences of these two people differ so much? It is not religion, it is not ethnicity, it is not external circumstances. It is due to the psychologies of the two people being vastly different. This difference causes the perception of some situations to differ as well. There is much to discuss on this topic, but here, I will discuss the yogic thought on this phenomenon.

We learn from the teachings of ancient yoga masters that human psychology changes through disciplined practice of yogic techniques in a specific way. The overall goal of yoga is to cease the fluctuations or modifications of the mind, called vrittis in the Patanjali Yoga Sutras. This leaves the mind open to perceive the truth of any situation more clearly as the vrittis begin to fade away.

This does not mean that when the fluctuations start to go away, that your life will instantly become blissful. To fully stabilize our mind into stillness requires great concentration, because once the mind begins to relax from its incessant fluctuations, deep suppressed feelings start to arise in the spaces between. We must be prepared for these feelings, because in the beginning, our minds will generate thoughts associated with them. For example, if you were carrying guilt from an angry outburst at a child, this guilt will start to arise strongly within you, and you may hear negative self-talk inside your head; “I’m a bad person, a bad parent. I am not loving,” etc. It is as if the fluctuations of the mind create a cage that suppresses our emotions and once the cage dissolves, we must be prepared to face them.

This is also what yogic practices prepare us for. Yoga is an inward journey of self-mastery. There is no question about the systematic approach that classical yoga takes, and that it is meant to be adapted to each follower of the yogic path. This is a quality that is often missing in the way yoga is taught in the Western world.

Let me impart to you a teaching that significantly improved my experience of yoga, something that provided me with a much more effective sadhana, or disciplined practice.

Self-Love.

Kylen Sabey (author) Rishikesh, India. February, 2019.

In February of this year, I spent a month at the Himalayan Yog Ashram in Rishikesh. To my surprise, we were greeted with great gentleness, not an immediately intense and rigid practice as I expected. At the beginning and end of many of our practices, my teacher, Yogi Ram, would say, “Be very kind to you, be very loving to you,” stressing its importance in his voice. He said it so often that it became like a mantra in my head throughout my time there. What happened each time I opened my practice this way was remarkable. Hand to heart, I felt my chest expand sideways without moving. I felt something warm spread across it, like wax melting from the base of a candle. My shoulders tingled. With practice, I invited that feeling to travel up my neck, strengthening weak muscles and relaxing chronic tension I have felt most of my life. Then, it became second nature and not unusual. My everyday actions became slower and more conscious. The way I picked up a mug, the way I wore my scarf, the way I held myself changed slightly every day I practiced this. I knew that it was the result of an increase of Self-Love within me, a new level that I had never experienced.

I realized during my time there is that no yogic teaching is an accident. Every practice and every word is consciously chosen. This comes not only from a deep knowledge of the teachings and methods, but a clear understanding of our backgrounds, eight international students. I began to understand the delicate process of teaching yoga and the great power of the mind.

I learned from this that our degree of Self-Love has an enormous influence on the quality of our experience in each moment. It is something that is practiced throughout our lives without knowing, unless we pay close attention.

When Self-Love is placed as a priority in our lives, over time, our senses begin to pick up the parts of life external to us that are also attempting to love us. When we are not trained to feel loved (as many of us are not, due to circumstances of birth) we must train ourselves – otherwise many of the ways that life is loving us will pass us by. When Self-Love is a priority and it becomes natural, our senses become sharpened, and our minds open to perceive this love that we would not have previously noticed. That baby smiling evokes pure joy in you, a piece of music you have heard a thousand times suddenly moves you in a deep way, or the taste of the air is sweet and refreshing, bringing you to the present moment. The healing that started within is then being supported and reflected without. It is not a static state, it is ever-flowing and changing as is the great mystery of life.

To have great Self-Love does not mean that every experience will be positive. When we see death, destruction, loss, we will naturally feel sadness, anger, despair or grief. It is the thoughts that follow these feelings that dictate our inner experience. Are you willing to let the feelings be as they are? Or will you allow them to create thoughts that are self-harming?

Let me be clear. There is a difference between discipline and self-harm that is sometimes hard to distinguish. Under no circumstances is it necessary for your growth to be hard on yourself. That is not discipline, that is self-abuse.

Discipline is taking the actions necessary to create a container for the next best version of yourself to emerge. This version of yourself will stay hidden like a stray cat in a barn unless it is treated with respect and kindness. We are not here to diminish any part of ourselves through negative self-talk. We are here to integrate all parts of ourselves with loving kindness. This is true Yoga.

Let’s begin.